Honestly how are you feeling? This is not a front or a distraction to make people or fool people into thinking you are good or happy?
It is ok to feel vulnerable and sad and a bit down but the most important thing is you do not let it get you down too often.. Whilst the world may be on hold for us at the moment it doesn't mean to say we have to be on hold or let it get to us does it? Whilst this may sound like a simple request it is not so easy especially when there is so much negativity around us to change and We need to make sure we look after our heads and our mental health to allow such things to be a pleasure in life rather than a pain.
You really have two ways to deal with things- Get up and focus on a certain thing that makes you happy or you truly get pleasure out of it no matter how small or silly you may think it is, if it makes you smile then do it! There is absolutely nothing stopping you from achieving what you would like to, it is only yourself who sets the limitations. When life knocks you down you must get back up darling... Otherwise you will end up living a life you don't want and missing out on all the enjoyment you could have had?! I know I am sitting here saying all of this now when I am in a good place but trust me I have been there so low I didn't want to be here anymore, so low that I could not take one more negative thing to happen , You see the thing was I kept focusing on the bad which is an easier thing to do when things are happening to you ,.. You think why me? Why is this happening , this isn't fair ?! Well its not but lets be honest what does this achieve? This in turn makes you feel worse and helpless when if you can just turn it around taking one small thing at a time anything is possible!
I literally had so many conversations with friends and people who were trying to help me but the sad truth is unless you are willing to help yourself NOTHING will change! You are the only one in control of how you feel yet we sometimes take the easy route and blame others or blame a particular situation. Yes it may have happened but let it go! Move on forward if you keep looking back it will haunt you for your days.
As long as I can remember I have very much been a person who looks back a lot. I always reflect but this can be a very bad thing as I then focus on all of those horrible things and times and the people who have been not so pleasant in my life but its not them its you. You are in charge of how you feel and you can let this go and build the life you want to live. It is ok to reflect when it has a positive impact on your life but if you keep looking back how can you move forward?
I changed my thinking and it changed my life - This could not be more accurate! If only I could have went back and explained this to my self and how I would feel if I made those changes and moved on forward how magical it would feel?
I want to show you that if you are right now in a place where you feel there is no way out ... your brightness has been shadowed by this dark cloud and you no longer feel enjoyment out of the things you used to then you can get through this! In life we all go through many different things to test us and grow us but sometimes we wonder the reason for the situation at the time. Its not until we look back we can see clear why those things happened and why you were made to go through it all. Life can be truly unfair and if we were to focus on that I could tell you that I felt at rock bottom with no where to turn to... I Would get home from work as quick as I could close shut that apartment door I would cry my eyes out and tear myself apart night after night , day after day. Some days I didn't want to get out of bed but I managed to drag myself ... shake up and fake that smile girl you have got this! Unsure where this energy came from but it pulled me through to the end of the days. Deep down I knew that how bad life gets there is always a way to turn things around but the thoughts were still there. I Tell you this not for you to feel sorry for me but to show you that things do get better.
I went through quite a traumatic couple of years whilst I let the world believe I was so happy beyond words I was not. I was so miserable. Endless boat parties, scorching sunshine. brunches, spending lovely time with my friends and Dubai family it wasn't enough it was only masking my problems and letting me survive I guess you could say. It was not until I completely took hold and addressed things as they truly were that things started to improve. I had to leave to get the clarity I needed to save my life.
I Didn't know who I was anymore. I had lost everything I worked hard for, I was in debt up to my eyeballs which was killing me as I had always been so good with money and my credit score was good, I certainly didn't leave Scotland to fly to Dubai to lose it all...
This was not the plan,. . How could this happen? I Will tell you why, sadly I got taken advantage of. I will be honest and say all I wanted was for someone to love me for me and for who I am - The person took hold of this and used it to their advantage.
I was then under the spell that no matter what... it was all ok as this person loved me,(so I thought) It was my first love and therefor like most of you will know how that feels to have your heart broken it shattered into a million pieces along with my belongings,... I had nothing left ,. nothing left to give and it was pretty much rock bottom. I lost my house, my good credit, my boyfriend , my home , my life as I knew it and I had never felt so far away from home. Besides all of the material things I had I lost ME. I didn't even recognise myself anymore it was awful. I could barely look in the mirror.
I carried a feeling of shame for a very long time ... I blamed myself a lot for letting this happen to me. How could I be so foolish to let this happen? Why me? What did they gain from this? It was as if my whole world crumbled. I Had to leave but I did not want to leave on someone else's terms I wanted to carry on with my journey for me and no one else.
I Had made it this far what is another few months?
Arriving home in Scotland after a good 2 and a half years over in the sunny middle east I landed into Edinburgh airport to be greeted by my parents and what a sight that was!! The best feeling to get a huge hug and I guess a sigh of relief on my part as I had been fighting so long I finally let it go and started my road to recovery.
It was a case of tackling one thing at a time and prioritising my list of what I was unhappy about. Can I change it,, yes ok so lets work on it. If the answer is NO then let it go. easier said than done I admit that but just let it go, You cannot change or alter this so why are you letting it affect you so much? I have mentioned it before but like I said once you open up to the fact things are not quite how you want them and infact you are not where you want to be then your life will change and you will start to feel so very different.
This was not easy.. There was a lot of tears and moments where I did struggle.
I know this won't work for everyone but if I can genuinely make you see that life really isn't so bad and that if you focus on things you can change and take control of you and your feelings you can make good progress. If you carry on doing the same thing every time expect to see the exact same results... Change things up... do something different even if it is as small as waking up in the morning 30 minutes early or having a cup of herbal tea instead of breakfast tea, take a bath instead of a shower ( a few examples whether they are small steps or big you can do this! )
We should use this time to try and focus more on ourselves because lets face it society and the world we live in these days do not really allow it. There is not enough time for YOU and we can all probably admit this that we do not look after us as well as we should. This is noted a lot in my new book - The miracle Morning with Hal Elrod. This book is fantastic and it sets aside time for you each day to allow you to change your life! Remember one small step is heading in the right direction for you to change your life for the better. We only get one shot at this and I for sure have spent so much of my time so far pleasing other people. worrying what people think, doing things that others want to do and not what I want to do most times and in fact not really living my life at all.
I won't change who I am as a person but one thing is for sure there are alterations that have been made and as I sit here right now I can honestly say I am truly happy and i feel so loved and appreciated it melts my heart.
If you can be happy within yourself and accept flaws and the pained past then you can move forward to enjoy and be happy and make movements for your present and future.
If you are hoping that a certain situation or a certain someone can do this for you this is where it will lead to disappointment and upset. As I said this is not for anyone to feel sorry for me but to hopefully pass on some wise words if you are in a bad place please don't be alone and please reach out to anyone if you can, you really could be taking that step to changing your life for the better!
Now is a better time than any .... Most of us have a lot of time on our hands which can create havoc with our heads if you have too much time to think. Break your day up and focus on one thing at a time- Not a strict regime but an organised day. Having anxiety this helps me a lot and its a sense of you having some control rather than your thoughts getting the better of you.
Sending love to you all ... Especially those who really need it right now X x
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