Each morning we rise for a new day..
If only we knew or we could plan that day knowing exactly how we feel and how we will feel throughout this day ahead. Waking up each morning not knowing is one of the best yet daunting feelings I could describe.
The dark cloud begins to show i wake feeling good ready to tackle that day then all of a sudden a comment is made or a text has been sent ( read the wrong way) or maybe you feel irritated and not quite sure why? I thought today was going to be a good day and then I feel like this... I feel so irritated and anxious and now I cannot take on the day like I thought I could. This awful feeling usually shows itself from butterflies in my tummy to the fear in my head .. oh so over powering. Why is this situation so exaggerated in my head? Why am I thinking like this and why am I feeling the way I am?
Sometimes it can be a situation which has not agreed with me or it can come out of the blue sometimes there is no answer for it or explanation. I feel odd. I feel like i do not fit in, I am annoying you, I am not nice to be around , I feel like i am not allowed to be sad. Sad is bad and when I cry or get emotional I really beat myself up about it.
I found myself actually saying the words - YOU ARE USELESS, NO ONE LIKES YOU, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING AND SILLY, WHY AM I EVEN IN THEIR COMPANY?! This is all silent to all around but it plays in my head until i get so anxious and nervous and all of a sudden feel extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes the nervousness pours out of me and I cannot control it , its so embarrassing.
We can be so cruel to our own self. It breaks my heart thinking of people talking to themselves like this so why is it ok for me to do it? Ask yourself this question?
It really is not OK. We are all here in this world, all different , all unique and all of us have different opinions and values in life which sometimes can be completely opposite to you and this is ok, This is ok for this to be the case but people really need to be a bit more mindful that we are not all the same and it does not make us any less than one another.
I used to sit and beat myself up daily about this thinking i had to be a certain way or i had to change to be someones type. I have mentioned it before but the whole TOO NICE label is what i did used to get a lot of the time but i now realise that actually its ok to be too nice, and actually is there even a thing as too nice? Lets face it , I think there needs to be a whole lot more of NICE....
As i turned 30 I have actually had things fall into place which is an amazing feeling! Before the big 30 I was worried..... I am not married, I do not have any children i do not even have a boyfriend( Not everyone's priority and the way it should always work).. There is such a pressure for us girls/ladies to be a certain way , look a certain way, and to have your life worked out before you are a certain age. Literally before turning 30 my world crumbled into a million pieces and i could honestly not see a way out of this. This was the darkest moments of my life and i had 2 options on how to proceed.... I let this defeat me or I get up and get my life back and build ME again.
Hey turning 30 is not too bad.... I feel like I know more about who i am and what i want from life ( It has taken a very long time to realize) I feel i still have a way to go with myself but comparing with how i have felt previously i feel like a new woman. Confidence comes with age and also as you get older ( I know i am only 31) However as you do get older you realize what is important in life and what once worried me maybe doesn't now or just is not as important in my values anymore.
I think if i can give advice to anyone feeling like they are not important or not good enough,. Remember that you are. You may not have found your path as of yet or you may have went down the wrong path but life gives us lessons and if we learn from them we can move forward but if we do not we will keep making the same mistakes.
It is so important to value YOU as if you do not , no one else will. X
You just never know what is going on with someone and sometimes that is the hard part. You can see when someone is physically hurt but when someone is mentally ill you can't see it , its almost as if they are totally fine?! That smile is the best mask you can wear to fool people but its so dangerous as it hides so much. Please be kind X
Reach out to someone i promise you are not a burden and you will be so very grateful that you made that move. The hardest step is admitting that something is not right but once you know you need to get help or speak with someone things become a whole lot brighter.
Shine Bright X